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AnonygooseD January 21st, 2013 8:39 AM

Just Me Being Sarcastic About Pokemon (Pt. 1)
Admins, feel free to move or remove... :D

So I was playing Pokemon Fire Red couple o' days ago and then suddenly noticed stuff in the game and thought about mocking them here in a sarcastic way for the sake of laughs and stuff.

1. Prefixes
Here's a list of trainer prefixes with comments:
Super Nerd? No, Fanboy Noob.
Hex Maniac? No, Unburnt Witch.
Beauty? You may have a chance to win a Pokemon contest.
Cooltrainer? No, $WAG loser.
Firebreather? No, Stinkybreath (it must be or else it won't burn).
Channeler? No, Crazy Nun from B.C.
Gambler? Where are your Pokemon from the Game Corner?
Youngster? A better name for post-toddler.
Young Couple? Her pregnancy isn't showing at all!

Well actually I don't want these prefixes to change because they show how battlers are ridiculously rookie, but I think regular humans/trainers should exist more often.
This also reminds me of a weird theory I read stating that Pokemon regions are always at war, hence you don't battle normal mid-aged men that much since nearly all of them went to the army, maybe besides scientists and hikers who seem to have "escaped" by going to isolated places... LOL xD

2. Enraged Pokemon on the Loose
So we can battle invisible Pokemon in the grass, but can't battle visible ones? Legendaries aside, visible Pokemon in the overworld are just friendly creatures who belong to NPCs, on the other hand the invisible ones are just enraged animals with rabies who just want to attack everybody and everything & sometimes you cannot escape them, but it's way stupid to battle a xx feet tall Onix that you can't see in real life.
I would personally like to battle Bill when he's a Pokemon, and maybe catch him too (Fwahahahaha!).

3. Machop with no Strength
I don't need an HM slave, I'll just distribute the HMs on my team!
Later... "HM moves cannot be forgotten now." What the ****?!
And that was my reaction when I played my first Pokemon game.
HM moves are just plain ridiculous, I'm either wasting a move slot of a useful Pokemon, or wasting a place in my team for an HM slave.
Also, Magikarp can't swim and Pidgey can't fly until I TEACH them to? I think they should be able to do what they do best without an HM, but with an appropriate Gym Badge maybe? Or instead we could just use regular-life tools like in some hacks here (e.g. machete in ToxicPurple).

4. You beat the Elite4! Now go home.
This one was discussed already on the X&Y section but I wanted to mention it again. :P
After you beat the E4 you expect to be one of them or at least get a golden badge that you can flash to rookie trainers, but no, you're stuck with your Ma & prof. Oak while your rival Gary lives in the plateau for eternity.
In addition to that, not a single soul in the region knows or cares about the 10 year old hero who have beaten the E4, and you still have to deal with tasks that prof. Oak can't do by himself even though he has enough Pokemon to go very far.
-What is Oak doing alone in the lab with all these Pokemon anyway?-

5. Where Dem Cops At?
Ever heard the idiom "If you want something done right then do it yourself"? Well the games pretty much follow that idiom to full extents; you have to stop Team Rocket from cutting Slowpoke tails, taking over the Radio Tower and stealing little kids' money, all by yourself AND battle your rival after every mission just before you visit the Poke-Center.
And the cops are... stopping champion wannabes from travelling between towns? But it's okay kiddies, you can always bribe a cop with a fizzy drink... or a donut if they're fat.

I might make a sequel to this topic if many people like it and suggest me ideas (I'll credit you)...

Also a funny pic:

seeker January 25th, 2013 4:08 AM

These comments seem more related to Pokémon Gaming, so I've moved it on into Pokémon Gaming Central.


AnonygooseD January 27th, 2013 9:17 AM

Um... ok, this is the second time it gets moved :nervous:...

Patrick February 2nd, 2013 9:40 AM

Numbers 3 and 5 are the ones that seem the most questionable. At least games like EarthBound gave the cops a reason to be useless. In Pokemon, everyone is so bland anyway that it just doesn't make sense even from a sense of humor perspective. They couldn't act any more like stereotypical NPCs.

It's as if Pokemon is really just a terrible stage play (with really good special effects. Sounds like the recent entries of a certain franchise about a war taking place in the stars), and everybody in the town has a role, despite not everyone in the town being good at acting. When their part comes up, they just reguritate the lines that have been fed to them for weeks on end, and that's it. They're done. Now they can go home.

Seriously, I've never played a game with a more forgettable, bland bunch of people. God, even Pac-Man has a more exciting cast. The only characters that have any kind of soul to them are ironically the evil cult members of the game. After that is usually your rival. And then who cares. It's especially bad that the professor who usually sends you out on your journey (which seems oddly more for his benefit than for yours) is robotic to a fault. Some mentor. He must see these kids as dispensible. Heck, you're probably number 48 in a line of kids he sends out to do his dirty work by the time you get to him.

Maybe this has changed in recent games like Black/White. I'm really only speaking for gens 3 and prior, since that's all I've played. Even so, I still doubt things have changed all that much. NPCs I'm assuming are as one dimensional as ever. I'm sure it's no Mother 3.

As for Pokemon not knowing how to do what they're supposed to, game limitations, really, but it is sort of ridiculous. Maybe the Pokemon are just trying to spite you, or play stupid to make trainers rage or something, I dunno.

AnonygooseD February 7th, 2013 2:04 PM

LOL finally someone replied! What you wrote is fine, but it's just a kids' game after all :P heh...
But I agree, they should make NPCs more interactive & Pokemons more... natural?
-and yet the game stays addicitve- :D lol

Patrick February 8th, 2013 6:59 AM

Well, sure it's just a kid's game. But so was EarthBound. ;)

AnonygooseD February 9th, 2013 2:13 AM

True :D if you have any other ideas pls tell me :)

Turnip February 9th, 2013 4:07 PM

With the HMs I think it's kind of reasonable, considering for things like Fly and Surf you have to teach them to do that with the Trainer on the Pokémon's back.
Still, that doesn't explain stuff like this :p

AnonygooseD February 11th, 2013 7:46 AM

Yup, many other things don't make sense, like giant flying bug Pokemon who can't actually fly
HMs were supposed to be Hidden Abilities, I mean that you should be able to surf with any water Pokemon you have without teaching them anything but after obtaining a certain badge.

I guess we find Pidgey in every grassy area (i.e. on the ground) because it can't fly :P. FAIL! hehehe...

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