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Old May 6th, 2004 (07:06 AM).
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Mr Cat Dog Mr Cat Dog is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: London, UK
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Posts: 10,917
Well, the plot's certinly different. The length is also good as well. There are two main concerns I have with this fic though:

1) Present and Past tense mix ups. Are you writing in the present or the past? It's hard to tell because you keep shifting around so much. It's best to change it to past, as that gives the reader a sense of that the event has already happened.

2) Description. Where was it? You described the characters pretty well, but I couldn't picture anything else.

Apart from minor grammar mistakes, the rest of the fic was fine. The characters stayed in character, and it's nice to see a Pokemon like Feraligatr in a fic. If you improve on the things above, this fic could go far.
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