View Single Post
  #14    
Old April 18th, 2006, 02:32 AM
Deathspector's Avatar
Deathspector
I'm so hardcore, I'm "X"-rated
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sad and alone with no one to care for...
Gender:
Nature: Lonely
Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Deathspector Send a message via Yahoo to Deathspector
Oh wow...

You really know how to work up those inner feelings, and set offthat spark that makes us feel the pain of the Charizard's trainer. I also believe that the placement of the second person point of view added to that sensation, and was very well written. normally, when I try to write in secnd person, it sounds like I'm ordering people around, telling them you did this, and next you did that. You make it seem so perfectly real. I didn't find a lack of description, so I'll shut up about that.

However, the one thing that bothered me slightly, was the abrupt way you sort of told us that the Charizard died. I suppose it made the fanfiction better, but it was still sad to me, and I found it odd. Not wrong, but just odd.
__________________
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanuka and a Happy New Year!

~My PC Family. Consisting six people~

Twin Sister: MariaJet
Big Brother: Nigma
Cousin: Bijou
Mother: Memory
Grandfather: .:Tempest:.
Apprentice: Krafty Quill


My Current Fafictions
Killing Machine – A Tale Of Revenge Gone Bad
Reply With Quote