Wow 2nd person,
it's definitely a unique form. I haven't had a chance to read your story all the way through yet, but, from what I have, it sounds very well written.
I can't wait until I have some time on my hands.
P.S.:
Be sure to read "A Slumber Did My Spirit Seal" by William Wordsworth. In it, he makes an interesting allusion to Shakespeare's idea of sleep.