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Old May 20th, 2006, 07:12 PM
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Naminé
ナミネ..
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Nature: Gentle
Just recently, Mr. Akinari and Ms. Lily are both recently promoted and will be busy with their new modding duties, while Mr. Frostweaver seems to have set off for school related business... Ms. Negrek, Ms. Hanako Tabris and Ms. Kazeto Tamashii seem to be online at the moment either. Since Naminé promised Ms. Lily to help out in reviewing as the board lacks reviewer,guess that Ms. Sapphire Persian will have to make do with Naminé's third rate reviewing skills~ Pray that Ms. Sapphire Persian will not mind?

Naminé will try her best to match all those great writers and reviewers in their skills and experience~


Reviewing everything in the order of occurence:



The opening poem doesn't seem to flow too well, as it didn't really click to Naminé. Unfortunately, Naminé does not know much about how to write poetry, so she fails to provide a possible way for improvement on this matter...

"(But the Viridian Forest has many places to hide.)" does it really need the brackets? Naminé thinks that it should be fine without...

The "it" after "(You think. You know. You want to hope.)" needs to be capitalized due to the period. Surely it is only a silly mistake though, as the story is very enjoyable so far. Caterpie is adorable, as always~ So cute... ^-^

(End of Changing Circumstances Pt. I) Naminé really liked the unique second person a lot, but perhaps that maybe due to her biased love for anything absurd, as shown by her personal third person talk. The story gave Naminé a very realistic feeling, since the story skillfully combined this world with the Pokemon world. It incorporated a daily life type of scenario, talking about the usual conflicts between little children, and how it happened in the Pokemon world. Though some may complain that there is a lack of action, Naminé always like these little nitpicks of life. It's interesting in its own right, and they are usually very strong in character details and backgrounds too. The choice of words and structure really show a sense of innocense and childish thinking within it too, so it makes it relate to the boy and Stella quite a bit. It is very fitting.

Let's move on to the next part then?


(End of Changing Circumstances Pt. II) Again, the daily little specks of life is what makes a story so real to Naminé, so of course this is a very enjoyable read once more. To a certain extent, the story reminds Naminé of her uncles and aunts too... Not the standard adventure story, but like the quote at the end, it was focusing on family. Instead of talking about some legendary quests or heroes, the story is talking about the usual nobodies in the Pokemon World and their normal life. Naminé likes it~

This poem is a lot better flow and somehow clicks better to Naminé... but like what she said before, she is no expert on poems (or on anything.)

"you knew what it was that she was mad over, and that worried you." Naminé thinks that throughout the story there are a few cases where a word is used more frequently than it should. Perhaps it is the second person that's making it weird and difficult to use new words often? For example, in the quoted sentence, Naminé thinks that it is better if the first "that" is replaced with Caterpie. She thinks that it is better if a word is not repeated so often, so the word seems fresh whenever it is used. It may bore the readers if a word is used over and over again~

"If your father was at all affected by your mother’s very loud outburst, he doesn’t so it. " Perhaps it means "doesn't show it?" Naminé thinks that is what it should be written as...

"from the later" from the ladder, perhaps?

(end of Changing Perceptions) Once again, it is no surprise to Naminé by now that she loves the chapter. Same style, same anything as always... she loved the pansy joke at the end. Ian would be extra cute if he is named Pansy~

It is only a huge straining factor for Naminé's curiosity if she does not get to find out who the narrator is for the story... surely it'll be interesting to know. Also, she wonders if there is any connection between this story and the Metamorphosis book in real life? Usually authors search for an original title that isn't taken by any other fanfics or any real books in existance, so why Metamorphosis...?
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Last edited by Naminé; May 20th, 2006 at 07:58 PM.
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