Thanks for your review! I'm happy for whatever reviews I get, and I'm very appreciative that you decided to do so.
I agree that the poem doesn't flow especially well - and when it comes down to it, I'm a beginner at poetry. It's definitely not my strong point. Hopefully the little poems will become better with practice as time goes on.
Ah, the brackets... Well, ever since I wrote my first Second Person One-shot (This is the second) Brackets have become a weird stylistic thing of mine, I'm afraid. I'm trying to cut down on them, though.
Yes, lack of action. It's one of the things that has been commented on, as I know I'll need to keep the readers interested. In the Childhood stage there isn't as much action planned for it, though as time goes by, the action does pick up, and things start to move a bit. The Childhood stage's main purpose is to introduce the characters.
Let's move on to the next part then?
No, not the standard adventure story. :... No thrilling adventure quests - I was hoping to get across that even the "nobodies" as you fittingly put it, are actually worth reading about.
Some improvement. Good.
I agree on that. I'm afraid I need to work on my proof-reading skills, as well.
*goes to kill mistakes.*
Oddly enough, I've gotten a similar comment about the pansy name.
Narrator? Do you mean the main character's name?
Umm... I don't think so. I've never read the real Metamorphosis book myself.
I choose the name Metamorphosis, because this story follows the central character (and Ian) through their lives as individuals. There are three stages, as you know, in metamorphosis. Caterpillar, Chrysalis, then Butterfly, and this story is no different. It's divided into three distinct stages, Childhood, Adolescence, and Adulthood.
Also, he word metamorphosis is also connected to change, and I intend to show the change in the characters as they grow up. (About to age 22 give or take)... Not to mention, Ian's a caterpillar himself. ;
I hope that explains it.