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June 7th, 2006 (10:56 AM).
that evil mod from hell
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Touhou land, grazing danmaku all the way
Dangit...you write too well, I can't ever find anything proper to nitpick on and then my review ends up sounding like pointless fawning. Oh well...I'll just try to outline what I liked most about it instead, which would be the way in which you control the reader's perception. To begin with, the view of the main character is very ambiguous, although it does become clear that he's very fond of Riley and very much jealous of this guy who's after her, but I actually still thought that the main character dude was human at this point. In fact, it took me, not being overly perceptive, until the point where the main character burned the flowers to realize the main character's...ahem, species, which only added all the more enjoyment to the rest of the story.
The flow is great, starting out with a direct assault on the poor 'Rat' which catches interest and successfully maintaining it throughout the story, a very nice portrayal of jealousy also, including the little comments in brackets (Those made me laugh more than once. xD) and a very realistic one. It's true that pets do seem to have their own ideas about human relationships (Our dog actually used to bark every time mum and dad tried to hug) so I really could see that scenario happening, if pokémon were real that is.
Overall, it was a very enjoyable piece of writing. Sorry I couldn't do a more helpful review, though.
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