Fanfiction of the Month (April): Midsummer Knights: DREAM
View Single Post
July 3rd, 2006, 03:54 PM
Teh Spwriter. :3
Join Date: May 2004
Darn you. << You distracted me from work for like three hours because I couldn't stop trying to figure out "Petals Around the Rose".
But yeah, I've been reading this at work. I'm doing this uploading thing where basically I keep having to wait for a couple of minutes with nothing to do. So I went and decided to use that time to read one of all those fics I've been meaning to read for ages, and started with yours.
As you can tell from the first paragraph of this post, it definitely kept me occupied. The Game is a very twisted but great plot idea - it caught my interest instantly, at the very least. The thing with the two characters in the prologue is interesting to wonder about too.
Now... a couple of concerns.
Firstly, the story starts out like somebody could be telling it, sure, but later on (mainly in chapter five) it becomes more of an ordinary third person omniscient narrative and we don't feel Ariel behind the words anymore. I can't really tell you why exactly I feel that way, but unless it's intentional and you really have some good reason to it that I just can't figure out, it kinda hurts the style.
Secondly, this is minor, but this here part:
Orsino, luckily, ignored him. "Four million for the first try. We'll reduce the cost by half a million for each failure. That means after the third try, the next one is on the house."
If it starts at
million and is reduced by
a million per failure, wouldn't that make it on the house after the
Thirdly, I'm finding it rather absurd that Viola could figure out Petals Around the Rose in just a few seconds, and completely without any examples to boot. She doesn't even know the full specifics of the game. At least make her have to
about it a little bit instead of just remembering the name of the game and suddenly knowing what the game must be about. =/
But other than that, it was a very enjoyable story and I'm looking forward to the next installment. Do continue.
The Cave of Dragonflies
Still not going to sprite for your fangame. Sorry, but I don't really sprite or give out permission for people to use my fake Pokémon anymore.
View Public Profile
Send a private message to Dragonfree
Visit Dragonfree's homepage!
Find all posts by Dragonfree
Find threads started by Dragonfree