Fanfiction of the Month (April): Midsummer Knights: DREAM
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July 11th, 2006, 09:31 AM
Your aquatic overlord
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Harassing Bill
Ah! Thanks to the both of you for your constructive criticism. I've been waiting for someone to nail me, and I've definitely learned a thing or two. I'll get to work on fixing up the chapters to incorperate your corrections.
I will reply to some concerns in the meantime, specifically...
On the subject of the style, it's partly intentional. Ariel is supposed to continue fading out, so to speak, until the reader realizes who she actually is. I say it's "partly" intentional, however, because I really don't plan on how quickly I make that happen, and I probably did it a bit too quickly, to the point where it's actually noticable. ._. I'll see if I can work things out to make it a bit less blatant.
Yeah, I really don't know what I was thinking about the four million thing. I think what I meant to say was that Orsino would reduce the cost by half each time, with Rosaline paying at least a million yen each time.
On the subject of Viola figuring out the puzzle, she actually took a few minutes to do it, although she was making half-hearted attempts from the get-go. I'll probably have to change things to make that part clear as well.
You've posed some interesting questions in your review (alongside some equally interesting notes that I'll try to keep in mind for the next chapter). Let me see if I can answer them.
Eh, I don't think I've ever heard the phrase "original log" before. What's it mean?
Attempt to make the future mysterious. Sorry about that.
Which makes our friend The Narrator an angel, mm? Assuming that the History Keepers are associated with the Data Bank.
In a twisted, metaphorical sense, yep.
Uh, the Mew key? I know all the keys correspond to a pokémon and are named to somehow represent their associated species, but is the numbering system employed by the Game related to the pokédex number of the companion pokémon, or was that just the system you used when creating the keys and all the number refers to is the order in which the keys have been discovered?
Within the fanfiction, it's the system used when creating the keys but not the order in which the keys were discovered. (I know the original RPG said that it
, but during the transfer between RPG concepts and its fanfiction counterpart, I've dropped and changed quite a bit.) Well over two hundred keys have been discovered by the time Viola found hers.
Outside of the fanfiction, yes, the numbers are supposed to correspond to Pokedex numbers.
Which is exactly what she'd be doing if she stayed with the Knights, ne?
Yep. Viola doesn't exactly see that part about the Knights yet.
Wait, random switch to present tense, or is that the narrator cutting in?
I think it's a random switch. (Is it a bad thing if I don't remember exactly why I wrote some of this?)
...although I'd be quite interested to hear what he was pouring on those undoubtedly important documents! XD
Pored = past tense of pore, which is "to study meticulously." Or I think that's the past tense of the word anyway.
Brighter than what?
Than it was before.
Aren't they, err, across the table from one another?
Yeah, uh, the table randomly disappeared. XD (I'll have to fix that.)
By the way, any chance you could tell me what the name of the key for slugma is (#218)?
You'll probably hate me for this, but it's the Slug Key. XD I've been thinking about getting it (and a few others) better names.
Also, I found my avatar in the collection PC offers for those of us too uncreative and/or lazy to make our own.
Also, thanks to the both of you for the compliments. I appreciate them as much as I do your advice.
Professional ninja. May or may not actually be back. Here for the snark and banter at most.
Need some light reading?
Anima Ex Machina
(Chapter 20 now available)
The Leaf Green Incident
(SWC 2012 winner)
Last edited by JX Valentine; July 11th, 2006 at
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