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Old January 6th, 2007, 04:28 PM
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IceKing
Mime Jr.
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
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I really liked how you started this work "mysteriously" (for lack of better term) and into the regular narrative, you don't seem to really have any hardcore exposition. I continue reading because these pokemon are quite interesting and as I already know you love PokeCentricism, so I assume it will be full blown in your own fic. Time to plunge in!

Autoemphathetic crisis sounds so awesome X_X I can just imagine the force doubling over and over again... Well, not for me, but to watch it would. I never thought of a Wobbufett's tail being like a second brain before. I love the humor in this as well, my favorite instance being

Quote:
“You’re not testing Destiny Bond?”

“Luckily for you, no.”
It's great how you tied the laws of pokemon into your own original invention, I can see why Syr was so afraid to use attacks and such

At this point, I'm curious as to where you are getting these names from. Not just the pokemon names, but all of them including that important phrase later on. The description "divided halves of the same individual" is so awesome it's not even funny. You don't realize the excited realization I got when I was like "Benny sounds so familiar" and then the next line made me realize that....Essax is everyone's favorite Wobbufett! Holy Crap O_O I quietely sobbed at the realization that Jessie was dead. I hope Syr was her Arbok =D The final line with Skiploom was pure gold.

The idea of pokemon driving convertibles is just hilarious. Jen's evolution talk seems to foreshadow some of the issues in Communication. I'm a bit curious as to how an Arbok uses a human toilet, I must admit. I need some clarification with Fauror. So Fauror is a Koffing, and she became the new Koffing leader after the strange lights appeared? It troubles me to imagine a Koffing and Wobbufett becoming "close", but I absolutely fell in love with Drasigon....and then became horrified upon learning her fate. Furthermore, was Fauror still colony leader when Essax delivered the message and became close? I would assume that the colony might have objections or something.

Quote:
Dear Night…she’s not dead, is she?
Why does he use the word, "Night" That interested me

Judging from the paragraph about the Meowth balloon rupturing, I assume Fauror is both a Weezing and Team Rocket's Weezing. Meaning Syr should be the Arbok =D (Arbok is my favorite Team Rocket pokemon). Now, the thought of a Weezing and a Wobbufet disturbs me even more. The second head reminds me of "Conjoined-Fetus Lady"

The fifth chapter was my favorite by far ;_; It was so tragic and beautiful. It strongly heightened my interest with poor Faurur's dying words. Great emotion, especially on Esaax's part. I couldn't tell as much what Syr was feeling but I assume that's because the focus was not on him at all. I did enjoy the line about Syr placing his tail on Esaax's shoulder. If Faurur was twenty five and very elderly, that raises some questions as to how long Esaax was away from her (if he couldn't consummate with her as an elderly pokemon) as well as how old was Esaax if he is currently fifty-four. Just some observations I made...

I'm at chapter six and I can definitely see Syr's sorrow too. I guess he attempts loosely to mask his feelings or something of that sort as he is obviously troubled but manages to speak with Jen. Speaking of Jen, I'm getting more curious as to the system of pokemon adoption at Convergence since obviously it's not something of the lines of going to an orphanage and picking out the cutest one. Jen came from the Hope Institute so I'm guessing it's more of the lines of Syr taking him in. Jen is quite an interesting character, he's intelligent and witty (Ice Cream Truck line =D) and very insightful.

Also, I noticed this bit of punctuation a bit in your work

Quote:
You may not be quite as heavy as you look, but still!…”
an exclamation mark followed by an ellipse. It seems to kind of conflict in my eyes because exclamation implies...well...exclamation while the ellipse tends to imply an uneasy/unsure sort of tone and I can't exactly see the two mixing. What do you mean by it?

It seems rather soon to take him to the Hope Institute so soon after the tragedy. I'm was a bit taken back by how Jen got his attention with his beautiful cyrokinetic art, usually in situations like this I read people are so out of it they wouldn't even notice. Which I guess says even more for the art. I wonder who that Glalie is =D YAY! IT IS HIM! Hmm, I thought Solonn was confined to his room at first. Unless this takes place after Communication events.

It appears Solonn is indeed in The Origin of Storms, which will make it all the juicier for Communication. For some reason, I get the vibe that the Hope Institute is connected to....whatever the creatures Faurun was talking about were called (it's a bit more difficult to remember your names XD) judging from the usage of "blessings." I can't help but think it's rather soon for Esaax to be going to Hope Institute, but I may be underestimated his "psychic disturbance" as you describe it.

And so there, it took me quite a while, but I read and commented on all your chapters XD It was quite an enjoyable read, the writing is light but I can tell the meaning is deep. I'm sure we will be exploring some axioms of emotion with Esaax and his complex personality. I'm still shocked at how Esaax is Team Rocket's Wobbufett. I have nothing to criticize or anything like that; the only thing I noticed was there were some places where the italics were a bit funky, such as beingspacedwithotherwords or random words being unitalized that don't appear to be for effect. But of course, this has nothing to do with your writing skills.


Boss work (I finally get to say that to you), I await more
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