Never in the Wrong Time or Wrong Place
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September 8th, 2007, 08:07 PM
by fire be P U R G E D
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Brooklyn, NY
I guess I'll review you the same way you did me:
Plot: Not much to say in this area, as you seem to be following the same plot as the R/S/E games. That's okay, though, since Jeff's still at the beginning of his journey. Guess I gotta wait 'til later for the real plot twist.
Description: I wasn't really "wowed" in this area. I have absolutely no idea what Kristie looks like (unless you described her in a previous chapter O.o). Also, you failed to tell use how Oldale Town looks. I haven't played any GBA Pokemon game in years and I really have no idea on how any of those towns look. This however, only goes for the surroundings. When it comes to describing battles, you get an A.
Charatcers: This is where you excel. You create personalities for characters in a way that I don't even have to read
"Insert Text" yelled (insert name)
to know who's talking. And I must say, I love that Corphish XD
Other: Although I believed it was mentioned at SPPF, when stating nubers below 100, they should be spelled out. Also, although it may only pertain to me, "Ok" should be spelled "Okay".
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