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Old September 30th, 2007 (04:31 AM).
Alter Ego's Avatar
Alter Ego
that evil mod from hell
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Touhou land, grazing danmaku all the way
Age: 26
Nature: Quirky
O.O

Un, freakin', believable. I've read through this fic twice now, once on the prowl for unscrupulous typos and grammatical mistakes, and the only thing I came up with is this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jax Malcolm View Post
Though Viola wanted to be a Knight, the thought of lying to Sebastian again was far too much for her, so she opted for not telling him she'd leave at all. So, she waited patiently for ten o' clock to come.
The two "so" formulations in consecutive sentences are a bit of a stylistic faux pas, which sort of sticks out from the rest of your very well written narrative. You might want to consider replacing one of those 'so's with something. :3

Other than that, I really can't find anything to pick on. Dang your impeccable writing. >.<

Seriously, this fic is awesome. I meant to read the original one, but it ended up being like one of those 'must read' novels for me. You know, the ones everyone says you should read, you know you should read, and know that you'd probably enjoy reading but that somehow end up sitting untouched in your bookshelf anyway? No? Well, it was like that, which is why I'm glad to catch it at the beginning this time around. Can't really offer much in the way of advice since your writing already beats mine. I'll give you particular credit for the very detailed setting description and the characters. The prologue and first two chapters have been a very enjoyable read, so please keep them coming. Pretty please? I really do want to find out what happens next...and you re-reader people had better not spoil it for me. >O
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