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Old October 1st, 2007, 04:41 PM
Grovyle42(Griff8416)'s Avatar
Grovyle42(Griff8416)
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: The Great Green North
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Glajummy View Post
That was a great chapter, and it's obvious you're getting better in description. I like the leader personality you gave to Daedalus and I hope you stick with it.

One problem, though...



GREATLY contradicts with...



and...



That's a pretty amazing feat. It'd take me about 15 minutes (probably more) to walk that distance. There are a few other thing that don't fit with the whole "size of a football field thing". You may want to change that...

Can't wait until the next update!
Heh, ah yeah that was my fault. I couldn't really make up my mind between the two and I couldn't really have her walking for that long of the chapter as I wanted to get to the battle.

I'm happy you like Daedalus' personality and thanks for noticing improvement.


EDIT: I rewrote the Prologue.
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Last edited by Grovyle42(Griff8416); October 1st, 2007 at 06:13 PM.
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