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Old October 22nd, 2007 (11:34 AM).
Incinermyn's Avatar
Incinermyn Incinermyn is offline
The Abomination Lives!!!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Nature: Timid
Posts: 646
Hanako beat me to the punch...*sighs* I read over this before, Bay, but I haven't had a chance to say anything until now because I've been busy working and stuff. Overall I found your opening chapter to be really good and entertaining (the search for Balin was kind of interesting). Also, the chapter length was pretty decent in my mind. (Personally, I can't stand incredibly lengthy chapters that just draw on and on because they just bore the living heck out of me). But still, like Hanako said, your description could have been far thicker. I mean, I personally find good (and fairly well detailed) descriptions of characters, settings, actions, etc. to be the true things that drive any fiction piece, even if they're preexisting characters that people know a lot about, because the better you describe stuff, the more your audience can see things happening.

Anyways, I am seriously looking forward to Chapter Two. Again, I'll keep an eye out for it. Later!
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