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Old February 10th, 2008 (10:59 PM).
Elite Overlord LeSabre™'s Avatar
Elite Overlord LeSabre™ Elite Overlord LeSabre™ is offline
On that 'Non stop road'
Gold Tier
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Shimoda City
Age: 90
Nature: Quirky
Posts: 9,571
Sorry for the lateness of my review...

One, how did that device get inside my bag?
what if all of a sudden she has a gun with her and shoots us?
Third, we were already risking our lives from the minute we started attending the police academy.
Is it all right if you can tell us her room number?
After he closed the bag, Jenny’s rage engulfed her. She wanted to say that what he did was even more worse, but knew it would not work. The male officer usually stands by every decision he made.
For the last sentence, there's a tense disagreement. Use one of these two combinations:
"stood" and "made"
"stands" and "makes"

Bunny and her two Pokémon were speechless; they could not believe the events that had unfolded.
"However, why did he choose me?"
Bunny grunted, she knew so far that this was not going away. If only they could find a reason why Ernest wrote her name instead of someone else’s. Surely, it could be something of a great importance?
Just for clarification, when I highlight something in red, it means that it should be deleted.

She sighed, knowing she had no choice.
Well, I did get some things explained this chapter, like how the tracking device ended up in Bunny's bag, and (somewhat) the reason for the long and drawn-out arrest plan. Another question about Jenny's plan that I have (and Bunny didn't bring up) is this: How far away would Sky be able to move the car with Psychic? I imagine it would require a lot of mental energy to move a 3,000lb. automobile, and it needs to be far enough away in order to buy Bunny and Jenny enough time to make their escape.

I want to ask - Does Bunny have anything in her bag that she really needs? It might have been a better idea to plant the bag with the device inside of it, so as to give the illusion to Timmy and Lucas that she fled from the car on foot and left her bag. With the tracker wrapped in a towel, it just appears more like someone deliberately removed the device and planted it in the vehicle.

I liked having everything being told through Jenny's perspective, as it really brings forth her thoughts and reasons for her actions. You were able to show her reactions for her uncle's death, and her reasons for betraying her fellow officers and hatching a plan for escaping with the "suspect." And that was done quite well, I might add.

Well, now, it looks like Jenny and Bunny have a little bit of time on their hands to try and make an escape before the other two catch on to their plan. I'll be looking forward to the next chapter!

Elite Overlord LeSabre™
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