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Old March 13th, 2008, 03:02 PM
Umbreon Ruler
Like clockwork
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
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Yay, I can review this now. Hm... I'll start with the Prologue.

Let's see... I've never played the game, so I can't compare anything, but I really liked it. The Skarmory at the beginning was a very interesting way to start the chapter, expecially including its point of view about Snagem and the "pointy mustache man." Even though it was a little short, the occasional touches of humor kept me reading. The only thing I might suggest is that you could use a little more description for the people and places. Other than that though, very nice.

Now, Chapter 1. The beginning with the Outskirt Stand was a little foggy, since at first you mentioned a train and I imagined them boarding it, but then they were eating and battling. The problem might just be my assuming things, so take it with a grain of salt. Hm... good plot develepmont (although it might be moving a TINY bit too fast) and I quite liked the bits with Trudly and Folly. I hope to see more of them. Rui seems... interesting to say the least, lol. Can't wait for the next chapter.

Sorry this review is so short, but I'm on a cheap, old laptop that I found in the attic, and it's not really all that comfortable.
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