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Old March 25th, 2008, 09:49 PM
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bobandbill
Where's that sheep...
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BREAKINGBEN View Post
I love reading this fanfic (as I am a HUGE fan of the Colosseum/XD games). It's great that you gave each pokemon their own personality. Also, I liked that Croconaw was the first Johto pokemon Wes saw (it was mine to in the game ). I hope you put up more soon!!
Thanks. Probably will put the next chapter up tomorrow.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minos Yewman View Post
That chapter was good too, I liked the mob chase lots and I also like it how all the different pokémon have their own personality. However there are 48 shadow pokemon and plusle so if they are each going to have a unique personality, it could get confusing.
The only mistake I spotted was this:

You used 'for a while' twice in a short sentance. This doesn't sound good. Try something like:

Other than that, very good! Keep it up!
Cheers once again, and also for pointing out the mistake.
On the 'personality' thing - I'm not going to give every Shadow Pokemon a personality in this. Would be confusing for yuo the readers and me as well, hard to keep track off, and not sure I could come up with 49 differing personalities so easily... plus there's no point. As a result, only some will get some personalities, or more 'minor' roles in the story. There will be a fair few by the end of it neverthelessl however...
Same goes for the battles - am doing a fair few of them, but a fair bit later, I will... sidestep the task of doing twenty or single battles in a row, without 'summerising' them to boot (in a few chapters time yet mind). It'll take too long, too much and would get repetetive...

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmeargleSplatter View Post
Very nice. ;D It's so funny...I'm funny at school, but that's only cause I can do funny voices and accents...and I can't put that into writing, so I think I'll stick to dread. xD

Anyway...I found some little things...

Do you mean 'kabob'? Of course, if you're in Australia then maybe it's something over there. X.x But...just something I wondered about. Same with shoddy...I don't know what that means either.

I notice you use 'stomp' when Rui is talking to the chick, but when that girl repeats it, she says 'stamp'. Try keeping it the same word...especially if someone is quoting another person.

Ha, I'm still at school. -sneaky-
Thanks again! Glad you liked it.
Shoddy has already been mentioned, but kebab seems to be another way of saying 'kebob' - it's how it's spelt in Australia. (insert Wikipedia entry here saying so ). Only really known as Kebab in Australia...
I am writing this in 'Australian-English'... for instance, 'centre' = 'center'. So if you're not Australian... too bad. Good that you point out things like this though, if I do get the spelling wrong. Such as stomp =/= stamp - thanks for that.

I did also, in my first go, talk to the green guy, because he was there and all... silly position of the mayor house right by the exit...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Espreon View Post
Shoddy is not exactly exlusive to Australian English, its a synonym for poor quality.

Back on topic and to the author: I love how this is unfolding but I was dissapointed with Wes going up to the blue guy, but its just a personal preferance as I like the Cyndaquil line the best. Other than that great work! In fact its so great once I find my iPod I will copy these as text files and put them on my iPod so I can read it on the go!
Yeah, thanks for clearing up 'shoddy', Espreon.
I'm a Totodile-line fan over Cyndaquil line IMO, though I like them all. Thanks for the comments everyone!

In the next chapter, there will be a character rarely touched upon in the game which will get more of a role in this story. A fair bit of 'original' (ie not in the game) stuff in there, as well as a 'retake' of a cutscene, which is info-giving and plot advancing somewhat and all that jazz... oh, and a reference to Pikmin 2. As well as a pastry/pastry-related-item.
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