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Old April 18th, 2008, 07:05 AM
Luphinid Silnaek's Avatar
Luphinid Silnaek
MAGNEMITE.
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Amano-Iwato.
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
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After having written and lost monolithic reviews twice, I decided I would make something I can economically write and you can read without undue waste to time and effort.

I do love the style you're having here: it's a cross unlike any I've seen before, especially the Victorian-era elements, and it goes unexpectedly well with the story. The age group, additionally, is something of a respite from the usual teenager coming-of-age fics. I never thought I'd revel so in the presence of men and women past the age of puberty. An interesting byproduct is that, for the first time in recorded history, two characters can maintain a close sibling relationship without falling gibbering into the pit of romance.

Some of the characters are a little extreme when in the company of their pet subjects, such as sebastian's irrational worry for Viola and MY GOD the sheer emotion Viola shows on the subject of her father. I do suggest that regarding such uncanny amounts of passion you could explain to us a past incident or reason which would make these cases such an issue withe these people. I think I expect you to, but there's no harm in saying it anyway. (This is indeed my attempt at critique, which is woefully unhelpful.) I also wonder quite why the girl is so intent on getting into trouble, since no sane person who wanted to 'get out of the house' would become involved with deadly political events. Hmm... I think we'll know a lot when the case of her father is elaborated upon.

Oh, and only because I truly couldn't resist:

Quote:
One of the workers, in his misery, began singing a melody that Anya had sung earlier in the film. Numbly, Viola realized that she'd heard the phrases that appeared on the screen, but she couldn't quite recall when she had heard them.
Do you not remember that deep meaningful verse? Fine, then, perhaps I should jog your memory:

Quote:
He spoke not a word but went straight to his work
Placing gifts beside the hearth before he turned with a jerk.
With a smile, he placed a finger to the side of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.

Frantically dashing to the bedroom window,
Viola and Haunter gazed out to the snow.
Though they heard him speak, he was out of sight,
Crying, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
The poem is gold, by the way.
Hoenn journeyfic. Credit to Filb for the font.