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Old June 23rd, 2008 (02:44 PM).
JX Valentine's Avatar
JX Valentine
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Join Date: May 2004
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At the risk of giving you unhelpful advice, I have to say one thing:

Jesus Christ. I'd read this.

But then again, I'm also a sick individual myself who enjoys watching people throw twisted situations into innocent fandoms.

That said, I must say that already, it looks like you're off to creating a journey fic that's separate from the usual "Yay! Let's catch Pokemon and earn Gym Badges!" deal. However, I'm a little curious as to why this sort of scene happened. Now, it's an excerpt from chapter two, so I don't know the context of the scene, let alone the kind of establishment you would set about doing in chapter one. So, I literally don't know what prompted this or who Claire might be. (Personally, I'm hoping for hero with issues because, frankly, slotting this as a villain's personality would be just walking back towards the cliche shed, if you know what I mean. But, it's your story, so I really can't say much.)

However, remember that needless death, while cool and all, might raise a few eyebrows if it happens out of the blue with no actual explanation (be it "because Claire has serious issues" or "because Pokemon are seen a different way in this world" or whatever else you can come up with). So, yeah, you'll want to be a little careful in that regard (if you want to attract readers who aren't me).

Otherwise, I'm looking forward to seeing this in the main forum and really can't provide much in the way of other helpful comments because I really don't know what you're planning. (Although so far, it looks like you're avoiding the usual OT cliches, which is good.) Good luck with this.
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