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June 24th, 2008 (9:15 AM).
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: San Diego
Originally Posted by
It is rare that I say "Wow" after reading a fic, and yours just made me. Science Fiction is really an underused field of fan fiction, and you've done a great job with it so far. The first person stance was interesting, but what I really thought was excellent was your detailed description of the process of psychically cutting something.
I didn't find any grammar mistakes, but I couldn't help but notice that you called the first part a prologue. A prologue is supposed to be events that happen before the main action of the story--or the beginning of the plot. If the first chapter takes place just after the prologue and in the exact same spot, then the prologue was actually the first chapter.
Aside from that, I didn't see anything wrong with it. My one bit of advice for future chapters is this: Make sure you research any scientific content enough to make it believable. A lot of sci-fi writers (including myself, I confess) don't do a good enough job of prior research, and it ends up making their work seem a tad ridiculous. I wouldn't worry about that too much, though, since having narration as nice as what you've written so far is much more important. I really enjoyed reading this, and I hope you continue it.
You have no idea how much I needed that first sentence. I was worried that no one was going to understand that first chapter, and that everyone was going to be coming in and saying "lolwut?" So thank you a lot for saying that.
Now on to why I called the first part a prologue: it was almost like a one-shot depicting Mewtwo's birth, as it could have stood alone. I realize though that it's not really a
, per say, and it does resemble more of a chapter now that you mention it. I will consult my peers on that one before deciding what to do with it.
Lastly, so far, I've only been using science that I know works or that I could readily prove at least in a theoretical sense. The titanium pods are a good example of this, as I recently built something using titanium parts (a battlebot, go figure), and I wanted to know the properties of the metal before using it. Lo and behold, it turned out to be very corrosion resistant, and I didn't think scientists would spend a hundred million dollars on a platinum pod, no matter the cause (platinum is one of the most corrosion-resistant substances on the planet).
Aside from that, Mewtwo's powers will pretty much take the entire story to describe fully, as will the Force (this is not related at all to Star Wars, by the way).
So anyways, thanks for the comment, and I should probably say ahead of time that I'll have a tendency to blab about the technology I introduce. Although...it's probably a bit late to say that.
Courage of the heart is very rare. The stone has a
when it's there.
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