Alright, here goes. First of all, you can edit your first chapter post: you don't need to re-post it. Just hit the "edit" button at the bottom of the post and make your changes.
Capitalize last names, and I would very highly recommend changing Darren's. You probably didn't mean to do what I'm seeing, but I'm reading "a whore" when I see that last name.
Don't really need the word "minor" near the end of that sentence. Detracts from the impact.
Otherwise, you really need to be running this through a grammar checking service such as Microsoft Word or the like. There's numerous problems, and it gets tiresome to read rather quickly. Also, it seems to cut off about half-way through the chapter. There's no closure for anything. Darren doesn't hear officially if his Sunflora is dead: he pretty much just wakes up, asks some questions, and his mom hugs him without answering anything.
So this needs some work. In all honesty, I think it needs to be in the revision thread for a bit until you hammer out your writing skills. You'll still get exposure to critiquing and other authors, but it really just isn't presentable yet. It has a long way to go, but if you're really dedicated, you can pull this off. If it means that much to you, I would be glad to drop in once in a while and help out.
At below: Gotcha. One of those "mix 's' up with 'a'" things. Can't say I'm not guilty of that myself at times.