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June 28th, 2008, 03:48 AM
Join Date: Oct 2007
Originally Posted by
(comments) I agree, it needed revision. I will try harder next time. I know about most of the errors you pointed out, and I will take more time on these in the future. I was hurrying for some reason. I am done whining though.
be as mean as you want, I don't care
This is exactly what I was talking about. You are never going to improve if you don't change your view on constructive critisism. Don't take it as a bad thing. Accept it and apply it, with a positive outlook. We are trying to
you, not be mean to you
(might I quote myself here, "If we were being mean to you, we would be telling you to leave this forum, stop writing, and insult and flame your fic).
Right now it really sounds like you are annoyed by the reviews you recieved. Don't be. It won't do you any good, and at any rate, it'll get people to stop reading your fic. As I said before, if you don't like getting reviewers that aren't telling you your story is perfect, either don't put it online or take the advice they provide you with.
Don't just tell us you will improve, either. Remember, you'll need to show us in the next chapter how much better you can make it. Otherwise, your reviewers will just think you've been ignoring them. I'm saying this now because in that edit all you seemed to do was change and add a few sentences.
... the Absol walking up to him. He was feeding his sunflora at the time, and He passed out after this though, the jump was quite a high one after all.
The Absol walking up to who? The story should tell us this. What does Absol look like? What does Sunflora look like? And if there was an earthquake, how was Darren (for I am expecting that's who "he" is) feeding his Sunflora. Then, you made a comma and said he again. Who are we to assume you are reffering to have passed out? Darren or Absol?
I won't re-list what I stated in the previous review, but now I'm also wondering, how is Darren being taken to another Pokemon Center? An ambulance? Specify. More importantly, why is he, a
who is apparently injured, going to a
Center? Shouldn't he go to a hospital and his Sunflora go to a Pokemon Center?
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