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Old August 21st, 2008 (4:46 PM).
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Blue Angel Blue Angel is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Nature: Calm
Posts: 298
Just some small errors that I saw.
Like you don't have enough commas to help with the flow of the sentences, and there is no spacing in between paragraphs. I saw so many comma issues - but I always do. If you want me to point some or as many as I can, out, then feel free to ask me.

Most reviewers will refuse to attempt reading a story that does not have proper spacing.

Make sure you press "Enter" twice in between paragraphs and changes of person in dialog.

I may seem cruel at times, but I am here to help

It is a good and interesting idea, you just need to work on the presentation of it more.

Triplets with IceDragon2439 and Buoysel

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