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September 28th, 2008 (8:45 PM).
It's "I Come Anon"
Seven days and no comments? You must be unlucky, I bet it was Hidma's fault.
Well, I really liked it. I thought it was a very interesting perspective on the concept of shiny Pokemon, which I had always before seen as just a variation in color. I liked how the events that came as a result of Hidma being an omen were directly caused by the
of him being an omen. It certainly provided a nice look at the group psychology of Houndour/doom. I also thought it was a nice touch how you capitalized "Human." It seemed to reduce the size of the barrier between people and Pokemon.
I did spot one glaring grammatical error:
but I whipped the rodent back in the opposite direction with my tail, and
a loud howl that made all the Humans shiver in fear.
<overreaction> Tense switching! Unfogivable! </overreaction>
"Give" should be "gave."
I wouldn't say this is a grammar mistake, but it feels awkward:
The Arbok slid out of the way just in time, and moved forward again at Midva, fangs primed to strike her
; yet I threw myself at the snake
, bumping it off target as it hissed in frustration.
For one thing, it's an awfully long sentence. And, the quick reusage of the word "again" doesn't help the flow much.
Nitpicks aside, great job!
My chapter fics:
Kanto: The Disputed Frontier
- Indefinite hiatus //
Gary Stu's Unpredictable Adventure
- Complete //
- 15 chapters posted out of 17
There's Always Tomorrow
(SWC 2009) //
A Matter of Stubbornness
(SWC 2010) //
Left by the Roadside
(SWC 2011 1st place) //
Giovanni Destroys the World and Everything in It
By What Right?
(SWC 2013 1st place) //
Back in the Day
(SWC 2014 1st place) //
Dad's Old Gym
(SWC 2016 2nd place)
Family (kind of?):
Strange person who calls me strange names
If the pen is mightier than the sword, the keyboard is mightier than the ICBM.
Joined Feb 2008
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