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Old October 1st, 2008, 05:28 PM
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bobandbill
Where's that sheep...
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
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Quote:
Originally Posted by icomeanon6 View Post
Seven days and no comments? You must be unlucky, I bet it was Hidma's fault.

Well, I really liked it. I thought it was a very interesting perspective on the concept of shiny Pokemon, which I had always before seen as just a variation in color. I liked how the events that came as a result of Hidma being an omen were directly caused by the idea of him being an omen. It certainly provided a nice look at the group psychology of Houndour/doom. I also thought it was a nice touch how you capitalized "Human." It seemed to reduce the size of the barrier between people and Pokemon.

I did spot one glaring grammatical error:

<overreaction> Tense switching! Unfogivable! </overreaction> (OMG )
"Give" should be "gave."

I wouldn't say this is a grammar mistake, but it feels awkward:

For one thing, it's an awfully long sentence. And, the quick reusage of the word "again" doesn't help the flow much.

Nitpicks aside, great job!
Thanks a lot for the review! Yes, was wondering if anyone would post...
I'm glad you liked it then, and the concept as well. Was something that came to me and thought it would make an interesting idea for a story.
The mistakes also have been fixed. Cheers once again!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ketchup123 View Post
She died....
Sad.

I want to change the story lol hidma one day betrays her gets a nerf gun and one day shot midvma's and then dies...
...yeah, your review kinda confuses me. Don't really see what it has to do with my story, Hidma using a nerf gun... (how would a Houndoom use a gun?)