Thread: The Beta Place
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Old October 7th, 2008 (9:01 PM).
The Bringer!'s Avatar
The Bringer! The Bringer! is offline
oh pokemon, you're so pokemon
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Can I poll the audience for this one?
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Nature: Quirky
Posts: 735
I think I'm posting this correctly...

Title of story: Down the Beaten Path

Fandom: Pokemon (weren't expecting that, were you?)

Plot summary: After being left behind when all his friends were able to go to Pallet to recieve a pokemon from Professor Oak, Shane can now finally start his delayed pokemon journey. However, he soon finds out that not all things go as planned.

Genre: OT, with some adventure aspects.

Rating: PG, I assume.

Type of rater needed: Probably plot or character.

Writing sample:

A man with a dark brown coat and matching hat was standing in front of a fourteen year old boy. He towered over the small number of spectators, his eyes blazing in fury. This man was holding a small device in his left hand, while his right was in a tight fist. No one could see it, but his yellow fingernails where slowly digging themselves into the palm of his clenched hand. They were bleeding. The oozing red liquid dripped to the ground, slowly forming a miniscule pool underneath his hand. It hurt. The brown clad man didn’t care. He only wanted one thing, and that was revenge. His mind was working surprisingly quickly for one who was slightly intoxicated.

“Now yer gonna get it, I was gonna use that there TM on,” here he paused. Not for dramatic effect, but it had worked to do that anyway. “this!” With that the spherical device that had moments ago been in his left hand was now flying strait for the younger boy’s skull. The small group of people who weren’t clamoring for prizes within the nearby building gave a small gasp. Luckily for the fourteen year old, he was able to duck in time to avoid the pokeball. However, he heard a noise from behind him that meant that this wasn’t over yet. Shane quickly turned around to see what his advisory would be. A large reptilian face was only inches away from his. The boy stared in horror at the pokemon. Although reptilian in appearance, if one got close enough, they could tell that it was covered in a chitinous armor, more akin to an insect. Not many got this chance and lived. The frightening pokemon’s eyes were completely black, possessing no pupils what so ever. Their lack of emotion was even more unnerving than any glare could be.

“Kikikikik, kak!” the scyther clacked its mandibles together, a sticky green substance the same shade as its skin slowly oozing from its mouth. Steam rose from the liquid the moment it hit the ground. After only a mere second; Shane was on the ground with a sharp cut in his arm, while the insect like monster was standing above him, its wings spread wide to add to its menacing appearance. Shane was scared. The scyther didn’t need an order from its new master. It needed to inflict pain. “Kliklikikikak!” it howled in rage. Its primal instinct was coursing through it. The scyther did not feel, did not think, it just slashed. Soon, it would be pleased. Its prey would be dead. Shane cringed as the winged beast slashed down toward his throat. He hadn’t wanted this to happen; he hadn’t even known that the object he had found was a TM. Shane was dead. Yet, he heard talking, and his arm still hurt.

Other: This is my first fic, and I know it's no where near perfect. I would like to get better at this type of thing, and think having a beta-reader would help.
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