I'm going to "return a favor" to you, as you are my favourite newcomer I'm only saying that because I can. You're really the only one to have come after me and to use punctuation correctly. Anyhow, the plea you made earlier in the lounge section caught my interest (enough to write that super-long answear, anyway) and I noticed in the 'Fanfiction Announcement Thread' that you had started your fic. So, here I am, to constructively criticize you! That is to say, I'm not going to say anything about grammar or spelling, as that's not really my thing. Instead, I'll pop up with every strange word and illogical flow of actions you may have written in there.
Personally, I found the change of tense a bit weird. I would assume we find a reason for that later, if it was like a flashback or a change of narrator or something, but it still struck me as odd.
Also, the chapter could have the more traditional name of 'Prologue'. I find 'Introductory Chapter' a bit long and unnecessary. Thumbs up for the table of contents, though, I realized I should do one only after my first fic had 13 chapters and the second one had two. Smart to do it beforehand. Very smart indeed.
It's funny how I make this out like this chapter had something to complain about when it really didn't. I'd like to point out anything that can be made better so you can better, because that's really what I want people to do for me. Anyway, here comes the overall review.
I liked it.
You make Team Rocket seem like something I want to be a part of And Darius seems like a decent man, although we didn't get to know an awful lot about his personality yet. Also, Rapidash, yay! You seem to have a sense of humour that goes well with mine, you have a nice touch to your writing and you certainly know what you're doing (so I'll keep reading this anyway). Your only problem seems to be that your language is a bit block-ish, you know? You use a lot of 'big' words. They aren't bad, but they always make your text seem more formal.
I do that, too, and I often have to tone myself down a bit not to sound like some old, dusty nerd (which I am, despite my young age ). Expecially now that I have a ten-year-old boy as a narrator. Your hands are free with the style, but long and rare words may cause misunderstandings. (I didn't know what 'veer' meant, but then again, I'm no native English speaker.) It's up to you to choose if you want to sound more informal or stick with your current style, which is perfectly fine, I think. I like this style. I'll just need a dictionary in the future
Overall, I love it, and keep going.
An-chan over and out!