Ok, I'm gonna try, and review this. If I sound too harsh don't take it personally please, I'm not here to discourage you from writing, I'm here to try, and help become a better writer
Before I start out anything there are two things I'd like to say
[quote] the chossen from fate [/quote]
it should be, (The) Chosen by fate
A wrong spelled title scares people away pretty easily, the 'by' is a suggestion, though you would probably want to remove 'The' from the sentence then for a better flow.
As chapter title, it's supposed to an eye-catcher. With that in mind a chapter title can be bigger, and/or bolded, underlined.
This, again, is just a suggestion.
Now onto the real deal
'no home' should be replace by homeless, it means the same but has a better flow in this case.
Also in this case you could leave 'white' away, if you describe the snow in the first sentence, but that's just me.
One thing comes to mind here, where is she wandering through? A forest, snowy plains, mountains? describe the setting a bit
She had an icy blue fur, which fitted the ice pokemon prefectly. Her fur would stand up, resembling spikes, every time she was angered or scared.
This in my opinion has a better flow and is better readable, though what you meant was good you need to work on your sentence building and choose of words, and it will get alot better.
Then she herd a noise coming from beyond the tree grove. Wondering what it was she dashed though the trees.
However, if this was meant as though remove the "'s, and write the sentence in italics like this:
*Also one note, when you use a ! , or ? in the quotation marks you don't need to capitalize the first word after the talking.*
herd should be, heard
Also for me as reader I was kind of lost here, how or when did Glaceon reach the tree grove? What did the tree grove look like?
As said before describe the setting a bit more.
first off, this should be like:
"Could that be," She whispered to herself, "the legendary Cressealia and a Froslass?" She stepped forward a little bit to listen in on what they were saying.
The description of the Cressealia was decently done, with a few 'flowing'
The sentence 'Froslass stiffened.' is vague, as it doesn't describe why he stiffened and in this case how he discovered Glaceon.
"I know your there. Come out and I won't hurt you." Froslass demanded.
This goes a bit to fast, Cressealia knows about Froslass' skills? Shouldn't she be surprised becase of the intruder(that's what Glaceon is in this situation I guess).
The 'I am' can also be I'm. The sentence
Also it is akward that Glaceon explains her situation to some strangers, it would be better for her to tell only her name first, and then let Cressealia(or Froslass) ask more information.
Also think about giving Glaceon a real name, instead of just Glaceon.
"Hmm… Froslass, I think she should come with me." Cressealia replied to her friend.
This sentence sounds weird to, why would Cressealia decide in a split-second to take Glaceon with her, she should at least think about it.
"What???" Froslass asked surprised, "B-But Cressealia, you can't do this! You aren't her mother!" Froslass stammered.
I added surprised to this sentence(I guess Froslass is), it shows a bit more emotion then just 'asked'. 'are not' Can be 'aren't', but that's just a suggestion
"I know that, but since she has no home I might as well take her with me. I'm gonna need help anyway, when I go to the cave of origin."
My added things are in bold, 'help' replaces 'back up', because help is better suited in this situation.
"Well, I guess I better tell you then." Cressealia began, "Glaceon, the world is falling apart little by little. Humans may not know it, but when they do it will be too late. Chaos is engulfing the world. I felt this just a few days ago,
Again the things I added/changed are in bold.
Froslass turned her icy blue eyes to Glaceon then to Cressealia.
More added/changed stuff in bold.
So Cressealia and Glaceon began to walk towards the tall mountain and Glaceon couldn't help but wonder if she could finally know who she was.
That was the grammar/nagging part , nor for my opinion on the story self.
Overall this is a pretty decent story, with great potential. The story could use more, and better description. I still don't know what Glaceon's personality is, or what the setting looked like.
For future chapters, try to make them longer, about 4 pages in word. This should be pretty easy, cause when start describing more your chapter gets longer eventually.
Though this wasn't the best I ever read, it wasn't by far the worst, so keep writing .
One last note, I'll try to review the second chapter as soon as possible.
This really is my last note(sorry for nagging ) don't post more then one chapter a day, you will probably loose most of your writers if you post your chapter quickly after each other.