Pokemon Nitrogen Story/Plot
View Single Post
November 2nd, 2008 (02:46 PM).
I left my brain in its jar
Join Date: Oct 2008
Aww, it's been over half an hour since you posted this? >.<
You switched from 1st to 2nd person in that paragraph, if you didn't notice.
Watch out with having Eevee as a starter... It will probably be over-picked.
Also, in the story, you jump around a lot... First, you start with the meteor, then all of a sudden you're in a moving truck. You might want to say why you're moving before you say the grandpa part.
Lastly, try to space everything out a little more. Don't be afraid to push that Enter key! It makes it a whole lot easier to read. Best of luck on further plot development, and your project in general.
View Public Profile
Send a private message to Xaviar
Find all posts by Xaviar
Find threads started by Xaviar
Ignore Posts by Xaviar