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Old November 2nd, 2008 (2:46 PM).
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Xaviar Xaviar is offline
I left my brain in its jar
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Nature: Impish
Posts: 162
Aww, it's been over half an hour since you posted this? >.<

You switched from 1st to 2nd person in that paragraph, if you didn't notice. Watch out with having Eevee as a starter... It will probably be over-picked.

Also, in the story, you jump around a lot... First, you start with the meteor, then all of a sudden you're in a moving truck. You might want to say why you're moving before you say the grandpa part.

Lastly, try to space everything out a little more. Don't be afraid to push that Enter key! It makes it a whole lot easier to read. Best of luck on further plot development, and your project in general.
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