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Old November 2nd, 2008 (03:00 PM).
Shirayuki Mizore's Avatar
Shirayuki Mizore Shirayuki Mizore is offline
Pokemon Raptor is STILL going?
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Florida.
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Posts: 195
Quote originally posted by Xaviar:
Aww, it's been over half an hour since you posted this? >.<

You switched from 1st to 2nd person in that paragraph, if you didn't notice. Watch out with having Eevee as a starter... It will probably be over-picked.

Also, in the story, you jump around a lot... First, you start with the meteor, then all of a sudden you're in a moving truck. You might want to say why you're moving before you say the grandpa part.

Lastly, try to space everything out a little more. Don't be afraid to push that Enter key! It makes it a whole lot easier to read. Best of luck on further plot development, and your project in general.

This is a rough draft, just a "type until your done without checking for any errors" kinda thing. Thanks :3

I did have a space or 2, but it looked tiny when I submitted it..XD
I should have a better, second draft posted tomorrow :p
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