Anima Ex Machina [R]
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November 15th, 2008, 09:06 PM
Your aquatic overlord
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Harassing Bill
Originally Posted by
Hmm… Your usage of the dream state, from what I read, is just a little off to me. I don’t know; maybe its just because I like having people reliving their worst memories in dreams (mostly because my fics usually deal with these three demons that embody bad or dark memories), but I think you could have been just a little bit more direct with things that happened in them.
First off, ooh. Demons. Is this Biohazard or no?
Second, oddly enough, the original version of this chapter told Bill's transformation more from Oak's perspective, so things were a lot clearer. Unfortunately, after a few scenes, the entire thing got kinda long, so I was afraid I'd be losing the readers' attention.
Also, yeah, I'll have to admit the choice of going with the dream sequence was intentional for the sake of creating a chaotic atmosphere. Bill's not really supposed to know what happened to him until he wakes up (although he
see what's going on in a number of scenes -- even if he's not entirely
), so I wanted to try to get the story to reflect how confused he is during that time. That way, the fact that he wakes up as the obligatory sci-fi/horror monster ends up being a bit more shocking.
At least, that's what I was
on doing. I guess I overdid it a bit. ^_^; I'll take another look at the scene to see if I can clear it up a bit.
Also, about the mention of Stargate, would you believe I've never watched an episode? XD (Except for Stargate Infinity, but I started with that series partway through and had
idea what was going on except for the fact that the team went through pretty portals and fought things. Man, I miss that show.) Still, thanks for the compliment. Yeah, I wouldn't really be surprised if it made you think of something else in the sci-fi genre. Really, this entire fic is supposed to be one big, slightly campy nod to every science fiction book, television show, and movie ever made.
check out Stargate, though, because now I'm curious. XD
Professional ninja. May or may not actually be back. Here for the snark and banter at most.
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Anima Ex Machina
(Chapter 20 now available)
The Leaf Green Incident
(SWC 2012 winner)
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