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Old December 14th, 2008 (05:06 PM).
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cartercr cartercr is offline
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Quote originally posted by Agent Zero:
Storyline:
There is a land in which the great king Zafon ...kind of a silly name. Taking place in a historic time? If not, fantasy names do not really exist in pkmn much...but let's read on. ruled. He was a great ruler, who was widely respected A king...so mebe you'll use a map of some pice of Europe.... Not by Team Rocket though Uh-huh.... One day Giovanni started a raid on the Pokemon League Why? How did TR's operations end up here? Is this somewhere in the game or anime continuity? created by the king. The king finally began the battle with Giovanni, and lost ...how tragic.. Giovanni then used his rhydon to kill the king ...a'riiiiight.... As Zafon was killed he summoned Oh jeez... the Psychic Pokemon Alchar The alchemist pkmn? to convert Convert him to what? Gold? Giovanni. Giovanni (under the psychic powers of Alchar Is Alchar a free agent now that Zafon is deceased? Did Alchar never work for the king to beginw ith but he had some lame controlling mechanism?) began studying Pokemon ...like, with books at a library? until finally Team Rocket came and kidnapped Giovanni This has several chiches, but not quite ones too pkmn-y...kidnapping is overused, though.. You So you play as a TR member? then are told by one of his assistants to take one of Giovanni's three pokemon Rhydon, Golem, or Cloyster? Where's Persian (since it's not in a ball in the anime)? and to begin going through each town in search of Rocket bases ...you lost me now. that may hold the Professor Professor? So he knows how to stop Alchar's mind-controlling? Wait, mind-controlling?!. Only time can tell if Giovanni will ever be rescued.
Thank you, I took all of these into consideration and produced this.

Storyline: (1st revision)
There is a land in which the great psychic king Nicholas ruled. He was a great ruler, who was widely respected. Not by Team Rocket though. One day Giovanni started a raid on the Pokemon League in order to defeat the King and take control of the region, and the legendary psychic pokemon that aided Nicholas. The king finally began the battle with Giovanni, and lost. Giovanni then used his rhydon to kill the king. As Nicholas was killed he summoned, using the small amount of psychic power he had left, the Psychic Pokemon Alchar to convert Giovanni to become an enemy of Team Rocket. Giovanni (under the psychic powers of Alchar) began studying Pokemon. 10 years later, You (studying under Giovanni your whole life) then are told by one of his assistants to take one of Giovanni's three pokemon he had just rescently caught, (Flareo, Leafyo, and Vapour) and to begin going through each town in search of Rocket bases that may hold the Professor. Now with the King dead, the professor kidnapped, and Alchar comming back to stop team rocket, only time will tell if Giovanni will ever be rescued.

Tell me if that works better, or if further revision is needed.
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