Thread: The Beta Place
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Old January 18th, 2009 (11:45 AM).
Mira Mira is offline
restless spirit
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: i iz ina mufin
Gender: Female
Nature: Impish
Posts: 1,748
So do you submit your chapters to your Beta-reader as you write it? (after they've done what they currently have of yours, of course )

Title of Story: The Mind

Fandom: Original Fiction

Plot summary: This is the story of a fifteen-year-old girl named Sylvia who, after having been proven to be a Faerie, is sent to F.W.A. (Faerie Wing Academy) to have her Powers trained. After she receives her wings, she meets a woman who informs her that she is the next Mind Faerie: a Faerie born to be the guardian of the Light Faerie (the king or queen of their world). She learns that the Dark Faeries are on the move and are searching for the next Light Faerie. Sylvia is trained in her newfound Power in order to have the tools needed to protect the new Light Faerie. The only problem is, she doesn't know who it is.

Genre: fantasy and perhaps action (Before you ask, this is not a romance novel. There's no romance until the second book and even then it is not the main component of the story.)

Rating: PG for violence (maybe killing?) and perhaps some cussing, but otherwise G

Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive? I don't really know which aspect I want to have it worked on specifically. My story just needs some general help. Any kind of mentor would be welcome.

Writing sample of story:
This is just a part of the first chapter.
“What happened here?”

Sylvia spun around and found herself facing a female Faerie. She looked to be about the age of her own mother, if not a few years her elder. Her inky-black hair was tied back tightly in a bun, pulling the skin taut around her bright emerald eyes, giving her the semblance of a bird of prey.

She must be the librarian, Sylvia thought nervously, the burning presence of the pile of fallen books behind her becoming agonizing as heat prickled her complexion.

“I just re-stacked all of those,” the Faerie said, her voice containing little readable emotion.

Neither of them moved. The woman stared deeply into Sylvia's face, her virescent eyes seeming to glow as time edged by. The white Mark paint on her forehead began to itch, but Sylvia found that she was held immobile by the woman's gaze. Her heart began to beat increasingly fast and her stomach lurched unpleasantly.

After what seemed an oppressive hour of silence, though it was no more than a minute, the Faerie straightened up, lifting her chin slightly. Sylvia broke the stare and looked at the nearly-empty bookshelf beside her, her eyes falling upon the enticing doorknob that was drilled into the wood. She felt the woman's eyes on her, but refused to look at her again.

“No matter,” the Faerie's voice cut through the air fiercely, though her tone was dismissive. “'A tree fallen in the woods burns no less brightly than one which remains standing.'”

Sylvia suddenly looked into the woman's face with surprise, unsure of what exactly she meant. The Faerie drifted over and placed her hand on the doorknob, easily pulling aside the bookshelf. Sylvia winced, expecting the remainder of the books to drop onto the pile as well, but they all stayed in place.

Why did they all fall when I tried to open it? She wondered, her mouth falling open slightly in amazement.

“Don't dally, Miss Ketron,” the woman said sharply, shattering Sylvia's thoughts. “The sooner you come in, the sooner you can pick up all these books.”

Other: I don't currently have much of this story, but I'm still writing it. This is book one of The Silver Mark Trilogy.
Everyone has an inner Magikarp. The sooner yours dies, the better.

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