Thread: [Pokémon] Mentor (PG-14)
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Old January 27th, 2009, 04:31 PM
yaysunshine's Avatar
yaysunshine
Beginning Trainer
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Gender:
Nature: Quirky
Hey, this looks interesting! I like the premise and the main character (wonderfully jaded and snarky), as well as the thought it looks like you put into how most people's pokémon training experience generally pans out. I'm interested as to where this story's going—what kind of challenges will come up for Leah and her charges, what caused her to quit training, why she agreed to this in the first place—has a lot of potential. I think I'll definitely be following along :)

One possible suggestion, though:

Quote:
She knew this, could predict this with ease, because she was an ‘official’ Pokemon trainer. Emphasis on the ‘was’, though.
Using "had been" instead of "was" might sound a little better—"was" comes off as a little ambiguous, since the narration is also in the past tense. Otherwise, I thought it was really good so far, so best of luck in continuing!
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