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March 1st, 2009, 12:06 PM
what's your sign?
Join Date: Apr 2008
I have just found this story and am here to say it is great.
I'm not really the kind of person to point out grammatical mistakes simply because I can never see them myself, and because you have some other users keeping tabs on that for you. So I'm going to evaluate the only aspect I can: the characters and plot.
I've never seen a plot quite like this before. A mentor for the 'brats' to turn back on and demand they chauffeur them home if and when that happens? It's definitely an interesting premise, and the main character Leah's annoyed attitude towards it only makes the experience better. xD I'm pretty sure I know what That Week is. Could it possibly be the time when Leah was a Trainer before she backed out on it? She was extremely unhappy about going through the forest, which is the normal route for fledgling Trainers...
Assuming it's not that her parents died in there, in which case I would be banging my head on my scanner.
And now, the characters. Leah seems like a rather cold protagonist, which I feel like I have seen a bit before. Once her character started to develop, though, I've grown on her a bit more. Ed seems like a rather normal, hyperactive child, but Ally irks me a bit. I have
seen a ten-year-old who's been that reserved. (Also, for some strange reason I imagine her with a thin frame, a black dress, and straight black hair...)
This is a lot of fun to read! Aside from the slightly unlikely case of Emma's personality, I see nothing wrong with this fic. Keep going.
Also Known As: Gira
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