Thread: The Beta Place
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Old March 14th, 2009, 12:11 PM
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Heart's Soul
Hey, look, I was gone.
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Title of Story: The Eternal Warrior Saga!
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot summary:
Neo, the warrior of darkness, has returned to Ectureak City as it's part of his way to Mt. Silver. He wants to train more before meeting some of his fellow members, but meets a childhood friend in his abandoned house. He decided to go with her to train, and after that, the adventure of Neo begins as he learns and trains to see Astinus, Exis, and the rest.
Genre: OT, with Darkfic in the second one
Rating (PG, R, etc): 7+
Type of mentor needed: Plot and Grammar
Writing sample of story: This is from Chapter 11, not released as I post this.
Spoiler:
“So, we all have a crystal shard in our possession, right?” a dark figure asked the other members. He was wearing a dark hood and wasn’t touching the ground at all. His face was unknown, but he had violet energy coming out of him, meaning that he was the warrior of darkness, just like Neo.

“That is correct. All shards are with us…”

“And… what if a person could… collect all of the shards?”

Everyone looked at the hooded figure and started laughing. Some fell onto the ground beside a stone with 6 hollow spots in it, which looked like a star of some sort. They were all laughing hysterically and just couldn’t stop while Coball was floating beside the laughing warriors. After everyone quieted down a person came to Coball.

“Listen, Coball, you know that all of us have the shards, is that correct? However, we all have them hidden so well, that nobody will be able to obtain their hands on them!” another person laughed. He was only 16 years old, but he was lucky to receive a crystal shard.

“Exis… I just want to know what would happen if everyone would obtain all the shards.” The dark figure, named Coball, asked him. He was giving out a bit more energy as the serious child, with his odd, golden hair, looked him straight into the hole where his face was.

“If one person were to obtain the shards… it would mean that the person must come to this uncharted and undiscovered island to obtain his prize. It is 1 wish of any choice.”

“I object to that!” another person screamed. His name was Sulf. The dull boy had bright red hair and was always sweating, due to the fact that he lives in sulfur caves that are inside a volcano in Hoenn. His eyes were yellow, which may have been a side effect from the fissures that he lived in.

“And how would that objection be possible?” Coball asked the red-haired kid.

“Very easy. It is not any 1 wish of your choice! This island isn’t undiscovered!” the idiotic boy screamed. It was very rare that he’d be smart enough to be objecting something. He was jumping around the island screaming the same thing over and over again as everyone backed away.

“Yes, Sulf, that is true… but Exis never was able to finish reacting to my subject.”

Exis looked at the two people and continued on “Well, the being produces 1 wish of your choice, that is true. However… It is not true that you can wish for practically anything! You just can’t wish for more wishes or to immediately capture that pokemon!”

Sulf stared at the teenager and the dark figure continuously, but he was still not sure what to believe. The island became quiet as the rest of the warriors started to leave. One teenage girl with light sapphire hair was walking on the water as it froze into ice under her legs. The marks on her face were very mysterious and were shining oddly as she went through the clear water ahead. A boy with blonde hair started to leave the island, but he didn’t walk on land at all. He started floating onto the absent air as he walked into the puffy and white clouds above. It was hard to see his face or body as light started to blind everything, until the clouds moved and blocked the sun. Lastly was a boy who was disappearing by harsh winds blowing him, splitting the golden-haired boy into miniscule particles, as he transformed into a blur and disappeared farther on.

Sulf was confused as he started to sweat. He wasn’t sweating any fluids, but magma, which engulfed the tall and dim child as he disappeared into nothing. He didn’t exist anymore, but there was a bit of lava where Sulf once were. The lava was shining and boiling with steam coming out of it. The lava was pulled down into the ground, even though the grass where the lava existed was not on fire, it was standing still and never changed colour at all.

“I am sure that he was confused and he left. I’ll need to talk to Sulf again, but he is far off from here.” Coball said to Exis, who just stared at the hole where his face was supposed to be. Coball was still floating around as he raised his hand. The hand started to emit shady light as a humongous portal opened up in front of Coball. Coball went through the portal, leaving Exis on the island all alone.

Other: I worked over a month on my book, and I am new to writing. This is my first fanfiction and it's also the best one I wrote. Part of it takes several years in the past.
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