Thread: [Pokémon] Spring's Revenge
View Single Post
Old March 29th, 2009 (10:50 AM).
Psychic*Absol's Avatar
Psychic*Absol Psychic*Absol is offline
Psychic Student
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: on earth
Age: 25
Nature: Quirky
Posts: 2,231
Send a message via ICQ to Psychic*Absol Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Psychic*Absol
Originally Posted by delongbi View Post
This is an error I saw a lot- the run-on sentance. There should be a period or semi-colon after "too" and before "yet." You often use "yet" as a joining word like "and," "or," and "but" even though "yet" is not truely a joining word. "Yet" made this sentance a run-on.
*grumbles about how they literally teach one nothing in English* I always thought 'yet' was like 'and', 'or' and so....*makes note to herself to search through the next chapter for any 'yet'* Would it be better then to cut the sentence before the 'yet' and just make a new one?

Originally Posted by delongbi View Post
Right now, the plot is a little confusing, but I think it is supposed to be. This chapter opened many questions. For instance, I'm curious to see why Sabrina has the Eevee egg (I think) and why Cynthia wants her to have the egg. I also can't wait to find out what Lucian is so worried about and what Koga is going to do about his daughter.
Yes, it is supposed to be confusing. *g* The next chapter might either answer some questions or bring up even more, depends on how you view it.
Well, I can at least answer one question out of these. Sabrina has the egg because she found it. *lol* It was the egg that was left after Hunter J's appearance.

Originally Posted by delongbi View Post
I was about to murder Will at this moment. Sabrina should have, actually.
ROFL, just ROFL.... I was just about to say 'Poor guy, needs love too', but then, you're right, Will acted very thoughtless here and he will get punished. Sorta.

Originally Posted by delongbi View Post
I felt so bad for Sabrina! With the way Will has been acting, I'm glad she dumped him, but it really stinks for her.
It does. And it will continue during the next chapter. BTW, the next chapter should be up very soon. It's finished and just needs to be beta-read. ^^
The Time goes by Here's my Key Philosophy And take your Time
So naturally A Freak like me To trust in me
While you'll receive Just needs And you'll find
Lyrics from:Guru Josh Project:Infinity 2008