This was a pretty good chapter- it was interesting, as least. There were a lot of grammar errors though. I highly recommend checking over your work another time before you submit it. I also agree with Neiko; sometimes your sentences are a bit wordy. Writing a paragraph and then rereading it could help. Anyway- grammar...
The comma should technically be a ;
When making a comparison, than is used; not then.
Should be quietly.
The comma is unneeded. "So" almost never needs a comma.
No one. Also, this sentence is awkward.
a, not A
I didn't love this chapter, but it was not particularly bad. I think it was necessary.
Anyway, I'm still reading! Keep up the good writing!