Thread: [Pokémon] Mentor (PG-14)
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Old April 10th, 2009 (9:09 PM).
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Dagzar Dagzar is offline
The Dreamer
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: In my dreams.
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Posts: 444
Yay. Also, sometimes, when I try to write a phrase, this is what I do: I write what I want to, then I continue writing about a few more lines. Then, I add more description and stuff, and I take words off or add some stuff to make the sentence sound smoother and less wordy. That could work for you, since I've noticed that sometimes your phrases become awkward to read somewhere in the middle of the sentence. It's really just about evening everything and trying to make a nice flow with your words. If it sounds nice to you, chances are it'll sound nice to your readers too.

Sometimes I use that method when I’m going over the chapter, adding and getting rid of stuff. I’ll see if I can use that method more in the future, though. Thanks!

This was a pretty good chapter- it was interesting, as least. There were a lot of grammar errors though. I highly recommend checking over your work another time before you submit it. I also agree with Neiko; sometimes your sentences are a bit wordy. Writing a paragraph and then rereading it could help.

Thanks for the review, delongbi!

*sighs* I think I’m going to have to keep a very close eye on later chapters because these errors are very annoying. Yeah, I’m definitely going to put much more work in rereading things. I’ll also try to cut down on the unnecessary words.

I didn't love this chapter, but it was not particularly bad. I think it was necessary.

Anyway, I'm still reading! Keep up the good writing!

Yeah, I didn’t expect much from this chapter either. I don’t think I set the mood right and I have a feeling that the characterization was out of whack, but it will set some events into motion and I suppose that’s good enough. Though I have to say, I’m pretty optimistic on the next chapter as it’s turning out really well so far. :D
"After being saddled with two ten-year-old brats and being sent out on her long overdue Pokemon journey, she can’t help but wonder… is it worth it?"
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