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Old April 20th, 2009 (06:51 PM). Edited April 20th, 2009 by Rabbit.
Rabbit Rabbit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: BC, Canada
Age: 23
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Quote originally posted by PBFHDude:
Story



3 months earlier... Youre a 16 year old Pokémon trainer who has just returned from competing in the Pokémon League. Its your little brother Noahs tenth birthday and you give him his first Pokémon which is a shiny Charmander (that you caught for him on the way back from the Pokémon League) so he can start his Pokémon journey.


Present day... Its been 2 months without contact from Noah and you and your family are getting worried, one day on your way back home from Station Town a guy in a red and black uniform comes approaches you. He offers to sell you a Gym badge case, when see it you recognise it as the badge case your mum gave Noah for his birthday, you grab it and try to question him but he sends out a Seadra who uses smokescreen and he gets away. You run home and your mum calls officer Jenny, when you tell Jenny everything she and the police team go to investigate. Unable to do nothing you go to try and find Noah yourself collecting badges to fill the case on the way, you and your trusty Charmeleon go in search for Noah across the region of Spriteria!
There's one part of your story that doesn't make sense. (Aside from the fact that Charizard isn't found in the wild.) If the protagonist has already defeated the League, why is he going out for badges? Shouldn't all his Pokemon be super strong? There's no point in starting at the end of the story, as it were.

Without that, your storyline is pretty bare - go and find your little brother Noah. And, of course, pick up badges on the way. It needs some fleshing out. If the ending is nothing more than Noah being rescued and the baddies ending up in jail, it's going to fall flat.

Quote originally posted by Pkmnhack:
I’ve got an idea about a Legendary garden, you start out in a plane, you land in pridosa town... from there your dad asks you to come inside because its raining, when you go inside you see a large house, after some moderate small talk you are asked to design your room. You can make it just the way you want. Then your dad finds you playing with your new Nintendo Virtue, a game system that I made up. He asks you to go to the neighboring town and buy some groceries for his new Pokémon farm. You begin your trek on route 187, there are allot of Pokémon, to keep you safe your dad has left you with his trusty pure breed treeko. And soon you are at the neighboring town of Varidna Falls. It’s a large city; your character looks around to take in the large buildings and the many shops. But you notice the odd purple mist shrowding the outskirts of the city. Just as soon as he noticed the mist he had been over run by human like things in black jumpsiuts. With no money, no Pokémon, and a sharp stinging pain over his left temple, you black out. You wake up; there are alot of people standing around you with gifts, cards, and flowers. you begin to remember what hapended, but you take a second look around, those 'people' arent people theyre pokemon, legendarys to be exact. So now you’re stuck on a mystic island, surounded by pokemon that make your treeko look like a pea, no idea were you are, you’re stuck on the legendary island.
If everything up until blacking out and waking up is one long cutscene, I think it can be safely cut out. Is it really significant that the protagonist arrives on a plane? Or that he likes to play on his Nintendo?

I'm intrigued about where the story goes from that point. Why are there gym leaders on the island?
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