OMG, one of the best stories I've ever read!!!! :D:D:D
Absolutely couldn't find any grammatical or punctual errors, but there's only one word for it: WOW!!!!!!!!!!!
And perhaps one sentence, being: DON'T YOU DARE STOP WRITING UNTIL WE FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS!!
LOVED IT
As you can probably see. I'm a fan of horror stories