FFotM (March 06) The Ties that Bind (One-Shot)
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June 10th, 2009, 06:30 AM
Join Date: Jun 2009
That was one of the most touching pokemon fanfics I've ever read! Though I can't believe Charizard actually died...
Now on to more specific comments:
Really like the emotional descriptions:
General Descriptions I enjoyed:
into the blue noonday sky
Nothing is held back. The flame washes over skin and plant like a giant tide,
(Great battle scenes btw)
his eyes glimmering like ice while his tone is just as cold.
“Hold him down. Use Solar Beam.
" It's good to have short sentences like these to make a dramatic impact.
Your heart shoots up in your chest, and you think for a moment it just might leap out as the euphoria swells deep within you.
" You can really imagine her/his joy here.
You notice his tail flame is low – dangerously low....
It is then you first know something is wrong.
Nurse Joy stops you, placing a cold, pale hand on your shoulder. It’s meant to be comforting, but it isn’t.
she says in a fake, cheery voice that sounds robotic:"
Of all the emotions rising within you, anger and frustration erupt to the top.
" Lovely and moving.
The front doors whiz open, and the
silence is shattered
Flashes. Bright, inconsiderate flashes of light illuminate your face.........You are barraged with questions from a thousand different voices, all clamoring to get the first word out of you, but you aren’t going to give it to them.
" (Nice how you describe the
of the trainer to make the moment more vivid)
The aura is a lot calmer near the end, but loses none of its depth of emotion:
You walk slowly, inhaling in the clean air, tinged with the fresh smell of the berry trees that your parents grow here.
once a living, breathing creature who, once upon a time, flew unchallenged across the heavenly sky.
No direct emotion 'telling'
, but the image still exudes a bittersweet poignancy.)
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