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Old June 18th, 2009 (5:36 PM).
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DassenSupes DassenSupes is offline
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 46
I just read the prologue.

You're doing fine thus far. Don't really care for the biblical references, they feel out of place.

Grammar and spelling mistakes here and there. Ought to be capitalizing Pokemon. Put in the accent e if you can.

Story-wise, I think you need to work on the characters. The swearing just seems to be blatant, there's no real reason for it to be there. So, dialogue mostly. I'll read the next chapter soon and edit this post then. Good luck.
I'm particularly suited to the isolation of the world, and that is my strength.

Pokemon Blak-The True Tale of Kanto

Red is just a sixteen year-old teenager from Pallet Town. But when he leaves to defeat all 8 gyms across the region and become the Champion, with his best friend, Blue, he discovers that his Pokémon journey is far darker than what he imagined. Can Red become Champion without losing his life to Rocket along the way?
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