Thread: [Pokémon] Spring's Revenge
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Old July 6th, 2009 (9:53 PM).
delongbi's Avatar
delongbi delongbi is offline
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Possibly in a tree
Nature: Quirky
Posts: 161
I was sooo excited to see a new chapter! Yay!

No, I have not forgotten about the fic. *I* haven't. *cough*
You'd better not!!! Do you know how long we have been waiting for a new chapter?! Well, I guess you do because you're the one writing... Anyway, I love this story; you cannot forget about it!

Sabrina relaxed, feeling much better now that she was outside with her headache being gone, and, most importantly of course, together with Will again.
Awkward sentence. I would change it to something like: Sabrina relaxed, feeling much better now that she was outside. Her headache was finally gone, but most importantly, she was together with Will again.

And just as she had promised mere hours before, she would never read his mind to find out.
Avoid starting sentences with "and." It is unnecessary- just start with "Just..."

“Of course not. Do you think I cared about the newspaper when I was drunk?” she smiled, actually not mad at Will, yet teasing him.
The "she" in "she smiled" should begin with a capital "S."

You are overusing "yet" again- way too many examples to bother putting here.

0_0 Is that a word?

Nya... I think I'm going to stop with grammar issues. It gets too annoying to keep posting down here when I want to read!!!

Will nodded, and yet he was sure there was someone who could...someone he strongly suspected to be an unfair player then.

“There is no known psychic stronger than me...there were some in the past, hundreds of years ago...but not in the present.”
That is just asking to be proved wrong.

Sabrina nodded. “In theory. But not in reality. There are no dark psychics.”
See above comment.

Great chapter- well, except for some awkward grammar. I love the mystery you've created! Ahh! I can't wait for the next chapter!!!

By the way, is Will's last name Bender?
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