Thread: Sixth
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Old July 12th, 2009 (7:44 PM). Edited July 13th, 2009 by icomeanon6.
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icomeanon6 icomeanon6 is offline
It's "I Come Anon"
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,074
I've really enjoyed what you've written so far. By limiting the narration to the knowledge of an extinct Pokemon, you do a good job of preventing the description from being stale and generic. Because it takes a little thinking to discern what's being described, it's far more interesting than most other fanfics I've read.

In other reviews, it seems one of the main complaints was the colloquialism. I didn't think it was too bad a problem in and of itself. In fact, I'd say it helps establish Lileep/Cradily's personality. The only real problem with it is the sudden switch from narration that was more serious and analytical. In your response to the earlier reviews, you say that you might have introduced it too soon. On the contrary, I think you might also solve the problem by introducing colloquial speech at the very beginning. I think the only issue here is consistency. If played right, the informal speach can come across as entirely intentional, as opposed to being a flub.

And one more thing:

mph mphsf fmpf hfp ff fkng ffmg hmffm mmhmffckmmhm fmmffm!
I can't be sure, but it would seem that Vigoroth has quite a colorful vocabulary. ;)

Good job so far. I'm looking forward to future installments, and seeing how you handle any revisions.

My chapter fics:
Kanto: The Disputed Frontier - Indefinite hiatus // Gary Stu's Unpredictable Adventure - Complete // New: Digimon Campaign - Complete

There's Always Tomorrow (SWC 2009) // A Matter of Stubbornness (SWC 2010) // Left by the Roadside
(SWC 2011 1st place) //
Giovanni Destroys the World and Everything in It (2012) // By What Right? (SWC 2013 1st place) // Back in the Day (SWC 2014 1st place) //
Dad's Old Gym (SWC 2016 2nd place)

Family (kind of?): Strange person who calls me strange names

If the pen is mightier than the sword, the keyboard is mightier than the ICBM.
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