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Old July 17th, 2009, 02:15 AM
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Citrinin
Nephrotoxic.
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New Zealand
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
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@_@ Finished reading everything up until the end. Excellent, excellent work. Brilliant description and characterisation, a level of which I some day hope to be able to achieve. ^^ Just a few minor issues I picked up, all in Chapter One:

Quote:
Originally Posted by . R e ð e m p † i o n
one to the other;raw embodiments of nature’s wrath
Just a spacing typo here. This should be "one to the other; raw embodiments of nature’s wrath"

Quote:
Originally Posted by . R e ð e m p † i o n
“Is the first-class treatment enough?”
Hmm, I know you're trying to convey that the treatment is first class and not ordinary, but this seems a bit unnatural to me. :/ It's your call, but I'd probably put this in out-of-dialogue description.

Quote:
Originally Posted by . R e ð e m p † i o n
Various parts of the wreck—“
Punctuation error here - probably Microsoft Word's fault. It should be "Various parts of the wreck—”"

Quote:
Originally Posted by . R e ð e m p † i o n
passing reference.I was the eighth
This should be "passing reference. I was the eighth"

Can't wait to read more. :D
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