Apocalyptic Dawn [M]
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July 19th, 2009 (4:57 PM).
Join Date: Jun 2006
Well... to comment on the new add-on, a couple of suggestions come to mind:
1. A scene change (***) should have been effected before starting.
2. No matter how much Dragonair pwn, i'd still keep an eye on the giant rock-plated rhino stampede heading my way.
3. Even if I didn't, i'd make it my business to stay out of the way of stampedes, knowing of their frequency in the Safari Zone, and being a 20 year old, somewhat wiser than the average rookie trainer.
Other than that, it was interesting to see you come back yet again with yet another redention of your fic. Your lab scene was much better written this time, i must admit. Again one problem (sorry, i'm full of them): the professor's were studying a Growlithe clone in the prologue, right? unless they had a couple more in say the reject archives for mike to traffick, it'd be rather easier to track a missing pokemon from the labs... unless they were unwittingly careless.
Well, that's it from me for now! Hope your back pains and writer's block go away real soon!
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