Apocalyptic Dawn [M]
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July 20th, 2009, 03:45 AM
Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Connecticut, USA
I think I agree with Shiny Mightyena(Air Dragon) in his assertions about the safari zone and Dratini and such. To me though, its just a minor problem that could be remedied with a quick fix in the near future.
I really enjoyed the clonning scene (with Growlithe), although something like vital signs slowly rising should alarm the scientists more. Some parts seemed a bit rushed, the Professor Oak scene could have been alaborated and described a whole lot more, as well as maybe a tiny expansion on the prologue. It ended to fast for me, I felt it was too short, even for a prologue. I liked the sense of impending doom, however.
Mike paused and drew four gleaming, red and white Poké Balls from his pocket. “The majority of them were Kanto-based creatures, but there were others – from Johto, Hoenn and Sinnoh – who weren’t native. The security cameras were malfunctioning as well, so that helped.”
“Are these four worthy of being classified as you-know-what?” the researcher questioned, his grey eyes appearing to glint for a moment.
The aide looked at his mentor and nodded silently. He handed the four spheres over to Professor Oak, who placed them in the small dome. Mike looked away briefly, thinking of the scientists he had deceived, but was jerked out of his reverie by an expectant Professor.
“Did you not hear me? I asked which ones they were,” the researcher repeated.
“Budew, Growlithe, Barboach and Shinx,” the aide answered.
“Thank you for your time,” Professor Oak replied, with a genuine smile on his face.
This scene was rushed I think. I would have liked to see more face time for Oak and more emotions from him and Mike (great name, btw). Other than that, it looks like you started off on the right track. I'll be reading and reviewing.
Sorry for the short review, next time it'll be longer. :]
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