How did I not see this before now?
Anyhow, I would move this to the main PFF&P forum, but it doesn't meet the standards of PFF&P. It's short, written with improper grammar and punctuation, so I would have to close it.
tells me that you actually could do better like this without anyone telling you to do so. I'm not sure what you were looking for in terms of advice when you write and post something not at your full potential and still want advice, because that just seems rather confusing to me. Why not actually write a story and do the best you can with it to get advice to help you improve more than where you are now? Why do a bad job, with the knowledge that it isn't your best (because you yourself say that you can add better grammar, and by the rest of your posts, you know how to use proper punctuation), and want advice telling you things you already know?
I'm not going to close this, nor am I going to move this, because if moved, it would be closed to fit the rules. I want to see where this goes right now, so I'll leave it open.