[SWC] The Perfect Team
View Single Post
September 3rd, 2009, 07:22 PM
Not a Baygel
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dani California
Congrats on winning second place! :D All righty then, my scores and the review:
I tried, but can’t find any grammar mistakes or at least ones that distract me.
; Well, just one part where you put “your” instead of “you’re,” but that’s minor.
Literary Elements (plot, setting, characterization, etc.): 9/10
I have to say, love how you have the beginning part, the battle, be in the Pidgeot’s POV. I also love how the Pokemon is able to describe both its and its trainer’s emotions. Nicely done there. There’s more I want to say, but it’s in the Prompt section.
There’s one thing I want to mention, though. Even though I love this loads, it’s a bit weird having the battle described fully as if I’m watching a battle from the anime show when it’s about a boy losing his interest in playing the Pokemon game and the Pidgeot feeling lonely and unwanted. For instance, even though I said I like the emotions you put there, the part after Pidgeot said about the trainer using the gameboy took me by surprise. Like seriously, how is a Pidgeot able to read his trainer’s reaction if he’s actually playing the gameboy? XD; Then again, this is the Pokemon’s POV, so it’s not that serious.
Dayummm…just wow. Love the way you have the Pokemon being stuck in this “game world” without any progress after the Championship related to the prompt. I also like the little references here and there (like at the Rock Tunnel). I actually almost cried at the end. Seriously, no one is too old for Pokemon! XD; Great, now you’re making me feel sorry I haven’t played my Pokemon games in a long time! I blame real life stuff and one other fandom that is still holding my interest. XD;
Overall score: 29/30
→Spark. Flash. Flame.
PC Fanfiction Index
[Archive of Our Own]
[Partner in Crime: Elite Overlord LeSabre™] [Cousin: Astinus] [Avatar: suspecting from LJ]
View Public Profile
Send a private message to Bay Alexison
Find all posts by Bay Alexison
Find threads started by Bay Alexison